Knowing What You Want and Asking For It

It’s so important to know what you want... You get that, right?

When you don’t know what you want (or need), you aren’t able to know what will work for YOU, what you will and will not tolerate, nor be able to express clearly what you require from various life situations such as relationships and employment.   When you aren’t able to be clear about what you want and able to express it, you'll have trouble getting it, and experience a life-long feeling of deprivation, disappointment, and resentment. Which I am certain you don’t want.

Fine, but HOW do you do that? Where do you start?

First, you must spend some time getting clear about what it is that you actually want, what you will and will not put up with – your ‘non-negotiables’. Even if it occurred to you that this would be a good idea, you quickly realized that you don’t know where to start, then you began to feel overwhelmed, so you don’t do it, or anything related to this - I hear this all the time.

The best and easiest way to get yourself started is to make a list. A simple list with two categories, and they can be titled whatever you want – ‘Pros and Cons’, ‘Likes and Dislikes’, ‘Will and Won’t Do’. Include light and easy fare such as “I like the rain” or “I won’t spend more than $40 on a pedicure”, then graduate to something heavier like “I need affection and it looks like…” or “I can be difficult to communicate with”, whatever works for you. Being clear about what you want is like putting a jigsaw puzzle together. You have to lay all the true facts out on the table, just as you lay all the pieces of the puzzle out. This is so you can see them better, for what they are, and then more easily solve your own puzzle.